Self-Care: Know Thyself

Published on
March 4, 2020

A big piece of self-care is knowing yourself well enough to know… what brings you joy? What gives you life and helps you feel refreshed in the midst of a busy day/week/month/year? So many people struggle with self-care because they feel guilty that they’ve stopped to do something for themselves. That’s selfish, right? Wrong! We need self-care in order to recharge to be available for those we love (and even those we don’t like so much). If you are living in a constant state of burnout, you won’t be able to show up as your best self, and that tends to result in negative consequences for folks (i.e. blowing up on our partner or kids over small issues, making mistakes at work, poorer sleep quality, health issues, etc.).

So, what does knowing yourself have to do with self-care? Allow me to give you a practical example:

Photo by Jonnelle Yankovich on Unsplash
Photo by Jonnelle Yankovich on Unsplash

Today, I had a five hour break at work. Now, I have plenty of things work-related that can fill that time: watching a CEU course, reading for work, creating marketing materials, editing a book for a side job, the list goes on. However, I know that my job lends itself to burnout, which means I have to take time to do things for myself that revive me - even throughout the day. So what did I do instead? I went to lunch with a friend at a place that I love. Why? Because it gives me joy and energy to spend one-on-one time with people. After that, I could’ve spent time working, but what did I do instead? I went to a park and took a walk. I reminded myself that all of those work-related activities can wait a few more hours, or even for a colder day when I can’t make it outside. I know that walking outside is refreshing to me and it gives me a chance to meet myself where I’m at. Even though I’m listening to my favorite music, I am talking to myself and checking in on different emotional challenges I’m facing at the moment. Self-care even came in the form of talking to myself lovingly and being patient with myself around some choices I’ve made that I didn’t love. On other days, self-care may look like me asking for a hug from a friend because physical touch is my love language - or I’m reading a mystery novel because my brain needs an escape from reality for an hour or two (oh, and this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, but masturbation can be a form of self-care as well - see my blog on it for more details).

Photo by Sid Leigh on Unsplash
Photo by Sid Leigh on Unsplash

Why is any of this relevant? Because, if we don’t know what truly refreshes us, we tend to engage in passive self-care. That’s not always a bad thing (I am very guilty of a Netflix binge every now and again); however, we should also engage in self-care that is restoring to us and allows us to be present with ourselves. This creates space for emotion regulation, self-awareness, and much more. When we feel refreshed and like our cup is full, we can then love others from the overflow that we have left (how often have you heard that one before?).

And if you don’t know what gives you energy, google “self-care activities” and start going through the list. There are a cornucopia of options out there and with each one you try, you’ll get a sense of what leaves you feeling most relaxed and at peace.

So I encourage you, take some time for yourself. It could five minutes or five hours - whatever it is you need to give yourself a little recharge before you engage in the next activity. Your mind, body, and loved ones will thank you for it.

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